Deportees Wives Club

Beth Brotherton and her husband Khalid Nethagani (Photo: Brotherton)

Beth Brotherton and her husband Khalid Nethagani (Photo: Brotherton)

By Britta Conroy-Randall

As the number of undocumented immigrants deported under the Obama Administration tops the one million mark, a growing number of American-born women married to deported men are sharing their experience through blogs. Bonding with each other online, the wives detail their daily struggles – from enduring long separations to dealing with complicated legal processes.

Every morning Beth Brotherton turns on her computer and logs into her blog, Diary of an Immigrants Wife. Beth met her husband in Utica, NY in 2005 and says everything about their story is pretty standard.

Except it’s not.

Beth’s husband, Khalid Nethagani, is a Muslim from India. He’s currently under a deportation mandate from the US Dept. of Homeland Security for overstaying his visa.

“Basically what that has meant is that he can be torn away from me at any time, officials can come even at his workplace, or at home if they want to, handcuff him and take him away,” Brotherton said.

Khalid’s family was living in Kuwait when he first came to the US to study engineering in the late 1980’s. When the first Gulf War started, his dad told him not to come back. Khalid overstayed his original student visa, and he’s been more or less hiding out ever since.

Beth started a blog to chronicle her experiences as the wife of a long term undocumented immigrant. To her surprise, she discovered a growing online community of women in a similar situation.

“It was just so hard going through this process and being alone and knowing that no one in your inner circle knows what it’s like,” Brotherton said. “But when finally this blogging community started I started to connect with other people who could understand. And that meant everything, really.”

Giselle Stern Hernández working on her blog. (Photo: C.U.)

One of the people Beth connected with was Giselle Stern Hernández. When Hernández met her husband Roberto in 1999, they assumed marriage would negate his undocumented status. But when they showed up to file for his residency, they realized they were wrong.

“We went to the offices of the Chicago Immigration and Naturalization Services,” Hernández said. “We filled out some paperwork and half an hour later I was looking at him from behind bulletproof glass.”

Roberto was immediately deported to Mexico and banned from the US for 20 years.

Muzaffar Chishti, from the non-partisan Migration Policy Institute says that in cases like these, it doesn’t matter if you’re married to an American citizen – if you’re undocumented, you’re considered a criminal; and you don’t get a greencard.

“We changed our immigration laws in 1996, essentially enacting a scorched earth policy with respect to those people who are here unauthorized,” Chishti said. “And we made this law retroactive so it applied to people who had no knowledge that this was going to affect them. And we removed the discretion from judges to take into account other factors in their lives or to waive these things.”

Now Giselle travels between her husband in Mexico and Northern California where there’s more work for her.

Emily Cruz and her husband Raymundo (Photo: Emily and Raymond Cruz)

Another blogger, Emily Cruz, spent years living in the shadows in suburban Phoenix fearing that her undocumented husband Raymundo would be discovered. There were times when anti immigrant sentiment in Arizona made them afraid to even go to the movies. Then the Arizona State Legislature passed a controversial bill.

Senate Bill 1070 was the strictest anti-illegal immigration measure in recent US history. Among other things it cracked down on those sheltering unauthorized immigrants. The most controversial parts of the bill have since been blocked by an Appeals Court, but two days after the law was to go into effect Emily and her husband moved from Arizona to Juarez, Mexico

“I’m so happy because in Juarez of all places, I’m not afraid to go to the movies, we can go out and be about and be normal and not constantly be afraid,” Cruz said. “I feel more-free in Juarez, Mexico than I did in the suburbs of Phoenix.”

It’s hard to say exactly how many American citizens are married to undocumented immigrants. Figures suggest there are around 12 million unauthorized people living in the US today.

Advocates say 10 percent of those may be married to Americans. Legislation that would legalize the status of unauthorized people has been pending in Congress for around 10 years. Some even had bi-partisan support.

Officials have said they don’t want to split up families with mixed status; they’re just following current laws. Despite having overseen more deportations than the previous government, earlier this month the Obama Administration announced a controversial policy that – while not going as far as legalizing their status – will suspend the deportations of immigrants who haven’t been convicted of crimes.

But that’s little comfort to Beth Brotherton, whose husband will remain in immigration limbo. Like many of her fellow bloggers, Beth spends a good deal of her time writing letters, signing petitions and making phone calls in an effort to push politicians to act. She says the wide reach of the online community might be able to make some difference.

“I mean when you’re faced with the idea that any moment you could be separated, every moment becomes precious,” Brotherton said. “You know every hug, every kiss, every time that person comes home from work and comes through the door that’s an important moment.”

Discussion

29 comments for “Deportees Wives Club”

  • Leslie Ehrman

    QUESTION:  Please explain WHY someone who is undocumented “hiding out” from authorities should receive any sort of preferential treatment and not deserve to be deported.  Am I missing something here?  What is preventing them from legally becoming a US Citizen?  Why would a person want to marry someone who is not following the logical laws in this particular instance?? 

    I met and then married a man from Italy (born and bred) with a legal Italian Passport and a Green Card — this was in 1988.  Once married he wanted to become an American Citizen and did all of the necessary paperwork, took the appropriate classes, etc.  It took a couple of years and then he was a legal US Citizen and had dual Citizenship — Italy AND the US — with legal Passports to prove it.  Then I I wanted to have Italian Citizenship and I took the classes and filled out lots of paperwork AND paid the fees and had documents signed/re-signed in Italy, etc.  It was a relatively simple process if not a short one — we just followed the instructions on the forms.  So, WHY is it that others who wish to live in the US do not try to become an American Citizen legally??  Please explain!!

    • http://profiles.google.com/ritamg Rita Gervais

      You didn’t explain how he got his green card in the first place and you married him in 1988 BEFORE the law was changed.  Now it is nearly impossible for someone to come to the United States legally unless they extremely wealthy or possess some sort of skill that can not be filled by US citizen. Meanwhile workers at American and other foreign companies in Mexico make about $60 a week at the factory. So they come to the US where they work jobs like roofing and make much more money.  BTW, I am not married or involved with an undocumented worker so my  explanation is unbiased. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557592816 Betsy DeWitt

      Leslie, there are lots of reasons and they are as varied and individual as the individual people. I too am married to an Italian citizen, who immigrated legally to the USA at the age of 9. We married in 1986 and have 3 children. He was here for nearly 40 years as a permanent legal resident, but never obtained his citizenship (possibly because his parents never got theirs and never impressed upon him the need to get his). Being a citizen myself, I never thought much about it. In 2003 he was convicted of a crime (non-violent) and spent the next 4 years in prison (please note that he did more time than he would have done if he’d been a citizen…as a citizen he probably would have been out after 2 1/2 years). He was automatically deported in 2007 after being detained in immigration prison. A judge was not allowed to look at his case, his family ties, the fact that he owned a home and business. He is exiled for life…not allowed to return to see his wife and children or his elderly father. 

      • Danielle Dujanovic

        I’m sorry the hear that Betsy. :(  Best of luck to you and your family.

  • Corin

    A wonderful story about three wonderful women I have had the pleasure of getting to know through less-than-wonderful shared circumstances; finding the community through which we met has been an unexpected silver lining!  Thanks for writing this with compassion and humanity!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Xitco/1837641611 Chris Xitco

    I want to help you Leslie so I’ll try. Your example of marring a European in 1988 has absolutely no context here. They U.S. gives a far far higher numbers of Visas to Europeans. So please don’t act like your a better person because you did it “Legally”. The reason they should be given “preferential treatment” is because they are married to U.S. Citizens, That was how the Law was in 1988 when you got married that is how it should be now. The Laws are not Logical I don’t care what political party you belong to to describe current immigration Laws as logical is well illogical. And the answer to your last few questions is going to be the same.  it is much much easier to get a Visa if you are European. Also it is much much easier for a U.S. Citizen to get Status in another country do not confuse apples and Oranges. The waiting time for a visa for a person from Mexico can be 20 years. If you don’t see something wrong with that I question your honesty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=648521945 Beth Brotherton

    Actually, the article states that my husband was “hiding out”. That’s not an accurate characterization. He has appeared 46 times at the offices of DHS in Albany since 2003, when he was released from detention. He has a stable job, pays taxes and has a social security number.  I don’t think this can be called “hiding out.” Currently, we are still required to visit DHS twice a year. In fact, we just came back today and the DHS officer told us to pay attention to the news because there are rumblings that a new policy may be implemented that would close cases like my husband’s: those that have been in immigration limbo for years. She also said that if this happened she would immediately get a hold of us so we could sign the papers closing Khalid’s case. So, yes,  even some DHS employees realize these laws are should not apply to all cases!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=648521945 Beth Brotherton

    And to answer your question Leslie…I married my husband because he is an extraordinary human being: kind, unselfish and his Muslim upbringing imbued him with integrity, a strong sense of empathy and aspirations to live an ethical life. Basically, the same values I cherish in my own life. It is no surprise that I married him.  The unfortunate circumstances he found himself have little to do with the wonderful and  loving man I know but have more to do with the political upheavals he found himself in and the dysfunctional immigration system in the U.S. His story is like many immigrants in the United States that have found themselves tangled in a cruel and broken system that penalizes and imprisons certain immigrants regardless of circumstances and mitigating factors.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=648521945 Beth Brotherton

    And to answer your question Leslie…I married my husband because he is an extraordinary human being: kind, unselfish and his Muslim upbringing imbued him with integrity, a strong sense of empathy and aspirations to live an ethical life. Basically, the same values I cherish in my own life. It is no surprise that I married him.  The unfortunate circumstances he found himself have little to do with the wonderful and  loving man I know but have more to do with the political upheavals he found himself in and the dysfunctional immigration system in the U.S. His story is like many immigrants in the United States that have found themselves tangled in a cruel and broken system that penalizes and imprisons certain immigrants regardless of circumstances and mitigating factors.

  • Anonymous

    Can someone link or cite the federal statute that this story refers to? I’m confused because I know several couples that were in the same situation and all of the undocumented legalized their statuses through marriage and were fine. But the story is confusing because it seems to say that there’s no discretion upon the part of the judge or immigration officer to do that. 

    • http://twitter.com/hopemustakim Hope Balfa-Mustakim

      I will look for the federal statute, but it’s correct- if an undocumented immigrant applies for citizenship, whether married to a US citizen or not- and it is found out that this person has been residing/entered the US illegally, they are detained and deported with a minimum 10 year band. The people you know may have been lucky enough to find a way around admitting that they were actually residing here illegally, maybe stating that they were still residing in their country of origin. Or DHS was just being lazy that week! lol. But honestly,, DHS seriously is as disorganized as that, though.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001257250129 Lori McNabb Mata-Utrilla

        Add to that, Even if he has no bars in place, the very instant he leaves America for a hearing in Juarez, he just earned a 10 yr bar….

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001257250129 Lori McNabb Mata-Utrilla

        A lot of couples apply for a hardship waiver as well as a parole for the bars. If the hardship can be proven, the bars can be lifted and the waiver granted.It is important to note that it must be proven with medical documentation that if the person in EWI status should be deported, it would cause a severe hardship on the American citizen spouse.
        Anyone in our positions should always consult a capable immigration attny prior to filing any paper work.

    • Corin

      It’s the 1996 Illegal Immigration Reform and Responsibility Act (IIRAIRA).

      This article doesn’t really go into the specifics of what can get someone barred, actually, but I promise that your friends were not in the same
      situation; the law is pretty famously inflexible (although there is
      slightly more leeway — but still no path to permanent residency or
      citizenship — through Obama’s recent move toward “discretion” does).  Most of us have spouses under the bar because they were EWI (Entry Without Inspection), which is a fancy way of saying they took a 3-day hike from Mexico.  Do that and stay for 6 months, and that’s a 3-year bar.  Stay for a year, and you’ve got a ten year bar.  Leave and come back: lifetime.But remember: the bar following an EWI isn’t the only way that DHS/ICE can make a couple’s (and their kids’) life Hell (see Beth’s story).  The point is, a major overhaul is necessary because this is a broken system with a lot of carnage in the cogs.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for your replies! I do indeed know 2 people who walked across border from Mexico and had happier endings, and the third came as a tourist and overstayed, so I guess that doesn’t count. So perhaps disorganization–or different office practices based on location–does play a role. Anyways, thanks for the research and I’ll read the law.

  • Anonymous

    oops–sorry for the repeat post. please ignore. Can someone please post a link or cite the federal statute that this story refers to? I’m confused because I know several couples in the same situations and they were just fine after the undocumented and US citizen married. All got green cards and then some became citizens. Thank you.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_P2QDR5RZ3YDTD6AFTRLFRIUL5M Porfirio

    I can relate to Leslie comment. By the way, I am a men married to a US lady for almost 25 years already.
     
    I met my wife in 1986 here in the US during a 6 month stay for training, in 1986. After I left the US and being separated from such a beautiful and wonderful woman for 8 month I entered the US again, legally with a visitor visa (B1/B2 for those familiar with it). Typically, back then, with that kind of visa, almost automatically the INS allowed the holder to stay in country for six consecutive months, period after which, if we did not leave or requested an extension, we were considered illegal.
     
    Within my six month stay, in 1987 we decided it was time to get married, and so we did. Soon after our marriage my wife filed a petition (do not remember what is called, but it was about requesting a foreign resident by marriage) and I filed a petition for a change of status. These forms were required for me to apply for a green card. My petition was denied in a short period of time, but my wife’s was not denied but postponed given a pending a deportation procedure (more on it below); reason why she did not get a response until more than two years later but not a denial. What I learned from that experience is that, they can deny the requests to the foreign national but not to the US citizen, since I guess that would be something illegal, against their rights. However to not deny the requests to the US citizen and deny it to the foreigner, is like denying it to both. So go and figure how the system works.
     
    By the time we started filing paper work after my marriage, more than 6 month had passed since I entered the US, and consequently I was already considered illegal, reason why almost immediately the then INS started a deportation procedure against me. I was summoned to the immigration regional office in Nebraska to initiate the deportation procedure and at that time they took my country of origin passport away, in spite of my formal complaint that such document was not the property of the US government but from my country of origin, reason why they did not have the right to take a foreign legal document away from the bearer, to no avail. At the end of the procedure, I had to live in the US illegal and literally undocumented for about two years, time that took for the INS to listen to my case and for me to file appeals. After all said and done late in 1989, I was fed up with the process and requested my passport and a voluntary leave, since I had already wasted two years of my life living in the shadows.
     
    An important point that I want to mention is that during my time in court, the immigration lawyer was accusing me of fraudulent marriage (basically marriage by convenience) because according to him I got married after my stay permit in the US was expired, therefore my marriage was nullified and consequently I did not have any grounds to remain in the US after my stay permit expired and request a change of status. I really do not know if that fact can nullify a marriage or not, but that was not my case. If that is the case for some people, then I believe it is a real problem, since even if two people love each other and the marriage is based on love, the government can come and take the right to marry your love one, especially if he or she is a foreigner and married you after his stay permit was expired.  Whoever, in my case, even though the stupid immigration lawyer had all the documentation necessary to corroborate such argument, did not bother to look at the marriage license and see that we got married before my stay permit expired; so the judge basically send him to find a better reason to deport me because the one he came up with prove him wrong.
     
    Anyway after two years wasted living in the shadows (one of which I spend as Mr. mom), I got fed up with the process and requested a voluntary leave in lieu of deportation which was granted almost immediately with the condition that I had to sign a form indicating that I was being leaving voluntarily and not being deported by the INS etc (I do not remember all the details). I guess they achieved what they wanted, to get me tired of waiting so I could leave on my own at no at US tax payer expense.  So I left the US late in 2009 and went back to my home country. Later my wife and our year old first baby followed me a few months later. Following my request and in spite of the deportation procedure, my original visa was not cancelled, so it allowed it me to use again when I came back to US about 4 years later, to be exact late in 1993.  In 1994 I requested a work permit which was granted, and later a change of Status and eventually I apply for a green card, which I had by the end of 1994. It was not until 2004 that I apply for citizenship.
     
    About Leslies comment, I do agree with her and can relate to her comment that (at least the old immigration forms) do not require a lawyer to follow them. Those forms are normally self explanatory and what needs to be done is to follow the instruction and file them accordingly paying the respective fees; then “sit down and wait”. I did all the paper work myself for green card and naturalization, and I am not a lawyer, not even close. I have worked most of my life in agriculture. The only time when I had to hire a lawyer was during the deportation procedure.
     
    To finalize my comment, the other lesson learned was that some procedures can take years, while others take a few months. I do not know what it depends on. When I was in a deportation procedure, it took about two years, while my green card took 4 month and my citizenship 9 month. It looks like it takes longer to deport someone especially when there are no legal reasons for doing so; I believe it is because of the right of the US citizen involved whom also has the right to sue the government and request compensation if wrong doing can be proven. I think most of the times we lose focus on the process. Just remember that it is not about the right of the (legal or illegal) foreigner what counts, but the rights of the US citizen what really count. I also wonder why most people do not start the legalization process soon after their marriage rather than wait until it is too late.

    • Corin

      Porfirio, I’m very glad that you were able to come to the US 1) as someone who either had the education, money, or connections to secure a visa (which makes the process that much easier), and 2) that your undocumented years occurred when the laws were much more reasonable.

      Were you to go through the process nowadays, I think it’s safe to say that you wouldn’t be agreeing with Leslie but frustrated with her for being so naïvely optimistic about the system — both on the visa-granting end and on the deportation adjudicating end.  I’d almost put money on a bet that nowadays you and your wife would not be reading this article from within the US but from your Central American homeland; however, I’m glad you two were not forced to make the same choices that we have been.  Frankly, all we would like is to be afforded the same reasonable treatment that you received (and yes, as difficult as I am quite sure your immigration ordeal was, I’m calling it “reasonable” when compared to the current system).

      To learn more about changes to the law since you went through the process, please read up on the 1996 Illegal Immigration Reform and Responsibility Act (IIRAIRA).

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1695330206 Raquel Magaña

    There are too many of us to ignore!  As American citizens, wives and children, and husbands, we deserve for our rights to be protected to be protected by our country and there is absolutely nothing that can be said to justify anything other than.

  • http://twitter.com/aquariansalgado Nicole Salgado

    We marry our spouses for LOVE, plain and simple. Does anyone decide to not date someone if they’ve committed a misdemeanor traffic violation? It’s a love that’s strong enough to see us through the kinds of difficult circumstances that most people could never imagine accompanying their partners through, wherein we find out how strong our love really is. In standing by them, we see beyond an opaque, capricious, discriminatory, and unfairly competitive immigration system that pits neighbors against each other. We create families together and even decide to start over again in places where we’d never go otherwise, because we love them. amorandexile.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557592816 Betsy DeWitt

    According to a 2010 study, it is estimated that 8.16 million lawful permanent
    residents across the country are eligible to naturalize as U.S. citizens, and
    many more become eligible each year. As immigrants’ rights organizations
    continue to promote the economic and social benefits of U.S. citizenship, they
    have also assessed the reasons why eligible applicants do not naturalize,
    including filing fees, English and civics requirements, and other barriers. Many
    organizations are focusing their efforts on increasing access to naturalization
    by creating applicant-friendly resources, promoting the fee waiver application
    process, and calling attention to special exceptions and exemptions for seniors
    and long term permanent residents, individuals with disabilities, military
    applicants, and other special groups.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15605836 Vanessa Bulk

    Thank you so much for this story. My fiance and I are expecting our first child in early October, and unfortunately, I have been separated from him since the end of June because of the immigration policies in this country. With each day that passes, it looks more and more like he will not be present for the birth of our child, which scares the hell out of me. He’s a good man and doesn’t deserve to be treated like a criminal because he wanted a better life. I can’t believe my country’s government doesn’t think twice about tearing families apart… especially when one of their own citizens (by birth) is involved.

  • Elizabeth Sommo

    I’m in the same situation! What can we do? What organization can I donate to?

  • Danalora

    Hello to all, I am new to this site, so grateful to have a voice and a place to turn to in this difficult time for my husband and myself

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.e.mata Sarah Elizabeth Mata

    its there a forum to speak with women who are married to illegals who have not been deported?